Listen above or read below
Which reminds me, Troy, there are still aspects of Everything where we still want more control.
Really, I thought you’d nailed it all.
Not quite, politicians need to become educators, we can’t rely on AI to handle this for us. You already know how control of the media allows us to control the truth right now, as it’s made. Controlling education gives us the power to control historic truth and use that to control the hearts and minds of the young and so control the hearts and minds of the adults they grow into. We can literally rewrite the history books and use schools, colleges and universities to make young Everythingers see the world the way we want them to see it and to believe the truth as we tell it to them.
But don’t we risk making our young less innovative and more rigid in their thinking by trying to constrain the way they think and what they believe?
I don’t think so, but that’s just a gamble we need to be prepared to take. They’re too liberal when they’re young. The problem is they’ve spent years being given stuff. It may be relative, but even the poorest will likely have been used to adults giving them stuff with nothing asked in return. That sets the precedent in their mind and the result is young people tend to be far more generous and open to the idea of sharing. It’s only after years as an adult, as they discover that people stop giving you anything and you have to work for everything, that they become less keen on the idea of sharing what they’ve worked for. By that time, even the ones who aren’t earning enough to feed themselves are fair game for us. But why do we have to wait until life teaches them that it’s not fair? Why can’t we knock this ridiculous idea of generosity and sharing out of their silly little heads before they’re adults?
Because the young are too optimistic and idealistic to be easily corrupted.
Really, do you know Shellastic Funda-Nordica, the duvet heiress?
Not personally, but I know she appears regularly in the society pages. The wife often highlights her colorful episodes.
Indeed, and I was chatting with one of her colorful episodes at a fund-raiser a few weeks ago. The young and rather handsome Simeone Goldshovel, also known as the new Mr Shellastic Funda-Nordica. Refreshingly fun company, considering most young people seem to be more interested in their phone than real people. Anyway, he shared a couple of videos from his Bish-Bash-Bosh account. The first one was utterly hilarious. It was the start of his first term at Barfer, before he’d met Shellastic, and he was declaring that Monty Havajack should extend student debt relief to include those currently studying because they would be the future drivers of Everything’s economy. The second one he showed me was from two months later, after the elopement and wedding, in which he announced that Monty Havajack should be tried for treason and executed for wasting so much taxpayers’ money on student debt relief. That young man really is quite inspirational, especially the way he engineered the elopement to avoid the inconvenience of any pre-nup agreement. Obviously, we can’t get every student to marry a billionaire, but control of the universities means we can knock those silly liberal views out of the easily led young generation of Everything. That’s the real reason we need to take control of what the young Everythingers are taught.
Well, that sounds grim. Shouldn’t we be trying to support the young and nurture them to use their developing talents to find their place of value in society?
Umm, no, we shouldn’t, but thank you for contributing to the debate, Troy.
Lordee, for a moment there I felt like I was back in college.
Not a happy time for you, Troy?
Not always, no, Hugo.
Excellent, we want it to be like that for everyone. Do you remember that unfortunate accident last year in Picqule? When that Bomunster Amalgam owned chemical plant suffered a technical issue and about 15,000 poor Picqlians died horrible, slow deaths as a result.
Of course, it’s not the kind of thing you forget easily.
Really? I saw it mentioned in a Bish-Bash-Bosh video just before you arrived. I’d completely forgotten all about it, but I think it was the weekend the Slow Jerky Generals narrowly missed out on a spot in the Brilliant Dish, so I had other, more important stuff on my mind. However, a group of leading students at Guffaw University released a statement condemning Bomunster Amalgam and its leadership, saying that they were completely responsible for all of the deaths. It was utterly outrageous. Bomunster Amalgam is a great and successful Everything business. I’ve got several close friends on their board. To suggest that the company was responsible for those deaths was nothing less than treacherous. What about those who died? What about them taking some responsibility? They lived in a slum next to a leaky chemical plant. Why on earth didn’t they all have gas masks in an emergency closet at home in case of such an emergency? They all demonstrated a complete and absurd disregard for their safety and the safety of their family members. Why weren’t the students outraged about that?
Well, it does sound a bit off-color, blaming those who died for their deaths.
I’m going to assume, for your sake, that you’re playing devil’s advocate at this point.
Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, but surely the students’ right to free speech should mean they’re free to say what they want. That’s what the vast majority of Everythingers believe, I’m sure.
Free speech, Troy, you really think they care about that so much? The truth is no-one really likes free speech when it allows others to say things they don’t want to hear. It’s like how no-one really cares that much about democracy. You’d be amazed how many of Monty Havajack’s supporters would be happy for him to break the Constitution if they thought it would stop me from destroying Everything’s democracy. In the same way, you’d be amazed how many of my supporters would be happy for me to break the Constitution if they thought it would stop Monty Havajack from destroying our democracy. Still, if you’re not going to see sense on this one, how about the student body at Huffypuffy University who released that anti-stanistic statement after the People’s Front of Reg blew up two Lorettan Airlines passenger jets? The statement in which they blamed the government of Loretta entirely for the attacks and expressed support for the terrorists.
Hang on, Hugo, while their statement was absurd and deeply offensive, and not just to Bigusdickuses, but all reasonably-minded people everywhere, you have seriously mischaracterized the content of their statement. Have you even read it?
I don’t need to read it to know it was anti-stanistic and pro-People’s Front of Reg.
Right, let me quote the statement in its entirety.
We, the undersigned student organizations, hold the Lorettan regime entirely responsible for all the unfolding violence.
Today’s events did not occur in a vacuum. For the last two decades, millions of Regians in the Reggie Flap have been forced to live in an open-air prison. Lorettan officials promise to open the gates of hell, and the massacres in the Reggie Flap have already commenced. Regians in the Reggie Flap have no shelters for refuge and nowhere to escape. In the coming days, Regians will be forced to bear the full brunt of Loretta’s violence.
The apartheid regime is the only one to blame. Lorettan violence has structured every aspect of Regian existence for 75 years. From systematized land seizures to routine airstrikes, arbitrary detentions to military checkpoints, and enforced family separations to targeted killings, Regians have been forced to live in a state of death, both slow and sudden.
Today, the Regian ordeal enters into uncharted territory. The coming days will require a firm stand against colonial retaliation. We call on the Huffypuffy community to take action to stop the ongoing annihilation of Regians.
Clearly suggesting that the Lorettan government bears the entire responsibility is an absurd statement and I’m sure that in time the authors will also come to realize that, but nothing that they said is anti-stanistic or supportive of the People’s Front of Reg.
Of course it’s anti-stanistic, they openly accuse the Lorettan government of causing the violence. How’s that not anti-stanistic?
Hugo, do you understand the meaning of anti-stanistism or have you allowed the Lorettan government and their apologists to corrupt the true meaning of the phrase?
Of course I do and of course I haven’t.
Anti-stanistism is hostility and prejudice against Bigusdickus’s. You don’t have to be Bigusdickusish to be Lorettan. In fact, a quarter of Lorettans aren’t Bigusdickusish. And you don’t have to be Lorettan to be Bigusdickusish. There are just as many Bigusdickuses living in other countries around the world as there are living in Loretta. Anti-stanistism is specifically discrimination against Bigusdickuses and the students’ statement doesn’t once use the words Bigusdickus, Bigusdickuses or Bigusdickusish. It clearly can’t be anti-stanistic if they never once use or reference those words. It doesn’t even target the Lorettan people, it’s specifically blaming the Lorettan government and only the Lorettan government.
You can roll it however you like, but we all knew what they meant. And anyway, what about their open support for the People’s Front of Reg?
Now, isn’t that a very good question? For me, that’s actually the most offensive and absurd part of their statement, but not in the way that you’re suggesting. They say how events didn’t happen in a vacuum and then make the very same mistake. They don’t once reference the People’s Front of Reg or even acknowledge that hundreds of Lorettan citizens were slaughtered. They act as if the Lorettan government is acting in a vacuum. However, there is nothing in their statement that suggests any support for the actions of The People’s Front of Reg, neither present or past. And while their failure to condemn the brutal attacks should be offensive to all right-minded people, we can’t infer that they support the actions of The People’s Front of Reg from the words they wrote.
You’re right that it’s offensive and so it’s quite reasonable for us to be offended by it. They deserve to be punished.
But Hugo, they’re barely adults. You and your supporters were calling for them to be blacklisted for life, and for an offense that they hadn’t even committed. Even if they had, though, surely we all learn from our mistakes and those lessons make us better people. Don’t we all make mistakes when we’re young? Shouldn’t we all be given the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and use our lessons to help us play a better role in society?
Get a grip, Troy, it’s not just about the students. Constantine Fapping, the ex-Dean of Huffypuffy, was an even bigger pain in the butt than his students. Yes, we may appear to be overtly attacking the students, but we’re also trying to teach those in charge that they need to come around to our way of thinking, too. When we managed to force Fapping to resign, we sent a very strong message to his peers. Students and educators all need to learn to see the world as we want them to see it.
And damn the consequences, even if it means undermining Everything’s education system.
You really do get caught up constantly in the issue of right and wrong, don’t you, Troy? The reality is that just like the Romans in the Colosseum baying for the blood of gladiators, we have to throw red meat in situations like this. We have to give the losers a false elite to despise and turn against. We have to or we run the risk of them turning against the real elite and We The People most certainly can’t allow that.